Unexplained infertility wtf?
Three years ago the world of infertility and IVF were two subject's I knew very little about. Fast forward to 2019 and currently pregnant with our first baby, I'm almost at the finish line with infertility. I say almost, as I will not quite believe it until our healthy baby arrives safely in my arms. I do not know if we will ever be able to conceive naturally but to date this has not been possible. And I do not know if this will be possible in the future without medical intervention. Infertility is not an easy journey, particularly when its 'unexplained'. All you want is an explanation, an understanding. I struggled massively with the term 'infertile' for a long time without welling up and fitting into the 'unexplained infertility’ category.
How could this be happening to us? And why? I had always wanted children and struggled to comprehend why my husband and I, who have been in a loving relationship since the day we met at 19, could be struggling to conceive. We married at 25 and thought this meant we had time on our side. Year after year, pregnancy announcements flooded in from friends, family members and friends of friends, and all I could think (whilst being completely happy for others) was why is this not happening for us? It felt as if everyone was moving forward in life but us.
I had a stage of completely self wallowing at how utterly unfair life was. I constantly compared our struggle to others, thinking how could this be so easy for everyone else? One night slips up resulting in babies - what??? Meghan Markle married in April and announcing her pregnancy in October - really??? Whilst it gave me hope, that surely conceiving a baby could not be that difficult as it was all around me, it was frustrating. I honestly felt everybody was pregnant and having babies but us. Everywhere I would look, a pregnant women was in sight - on social media, walking along the street, in the local Waitrose, commuting on the tube. I could not get away from it and this had a massive impact on my mentality. It frustrated me immensely that after years of being patient nothing was happening.
I realise to anyone reading this who has not experienced years of trying for a baby, I probably sound like a nutcase. I would honestly think the same if I did not go through it first hand. It took me a while to figure out that this negative mindset of constant comparison was just not getting me anywhere. It was adding undue stress and straining my marriage. But that's the thing , it just took over my thoughts. I have always been a strong believer of achieving what the mind believes it can achieve and hard work paying off, so I could not understand why this was not the case?
We kept our initial fertility treatments and first round of IVF under wraps only sharing with a handful of people. I felt insecure and distraught that I could not do something completely natural and did not want to talk about it. I’ve always been an emotional person (the Cancerian in me) and being diagnosed with unexplained infertility truly pushed my emotions to the edge. For the best part of over a year, we were told nothing was wrong, to relax and it will happen. Please note a) This does not help b) Most cases of infertility are not due to stress and c) Don't you think we were doing everything possible to relax ? Countless holidays 'switching off'. Relaxing weekends away. Taking it easy.
Countless medical professionals told us, 'your both so young', followed by numerous tests with the all clear, "come back in a few months if nothing happened". The months rolled into years. Personally, I do not think infertility under the age of 30 is taken seriously enough as we first seeked medical and holistic help at the age of 27, and I'll be 30 this year. Being told it would happen and there was nothing wrong, kind of gave me a false security that by some miracle we would conceive naturally. Despite for years this not being the case. I heard so many stories of couples who were literally about to embark on IVF and *boom* they fell pregnant. Maybe we would be one of those couples? I really held out that maybe, just maybe, that would happen for us but nope. After countless blood tests, diagnostic procedures, weekly acupuncture sessions, several rounds of clomid, IUI, 2 fresh IVF cycles, OHSS and a chemical pregnancy, it happened. We finally got that positive result.
This is by no means my full story, but after gaining the confidence to share my story through speaking to many incredible women and hearing their journey’s, I decided it was my time, no matter how nerve wracking, to share my story. I studied as a nutritional advisor for a year whilst embarking on fertility treatment, and want to use my knowledge in nutrition to support women with their fertility journey's. There is an overwhelming amount of information available online of what to do and eat to get pregnant. It can feel like a maze navigating through it all ,to make an informed decision to implement that works best.
If you relate to my story, I would love to speak to you, email me at fertilityism@gmail.com or instagram @fertilityism.
After all , 'A problem shared is a problem halved'.
I promise talking about it and taking positive steps to move forward will help you both physically and mentally with your journey no matter where you are in the process.
Lisa x
[Photo credit by @infertilityillustrated - instagram]